What Actually Happens in Sex Therapy?

Let me start by saying something I have to explain constantly: no, I don't have sex with my clients. Yes, everyone keeps their clothes on. No, I don't want to see your home video and critique your technique. That's illegal for me. It's talk therapy, full stop. We sit, we talk, you might laugh, you might tear up, and hopefully things start to change for the better.

So what makes it different from regular therapy? Permission. Sex is a universal human experience. It's why we're all here, and it tells you more about yourself and your relationships than almost anything else you'll ever talk about. Even asexuality is a sexuality. That falls under sex therapy too.

Most people avoid these topics for decades, and unfortunately so do a lot of therapists. For many people, I'm the first person they've ever said these sentences out loud to.

I've learned that almost nobody's "shameful secret" is actually that shocking. What's shocking to them is when they finally say it out loud and I don't gasp. I don't judge. I just listen.

Who actually comes in

It's not only couples on the brink, though they show up too. I see couples where one person wants sex constantly and the other could take it or leave it. People who've never had an orgasm, or used to and now can't. Partners rebuilding trust after an affair. People who grew up with so much sex shame their body still locks up, years later. Couples opening things up, or already open and trying to make it work day to day instead of just in theory. People who are asexual, kinky, questioning, or sitting on a pile of questions with nowhere safe to ask them. Single people tired of repeating the same pattern in every relationship.

You don't need a catastrophe to qualify. "Something feels a little off and I want to understand why" is a whole reason on its own.

What we actually get into

Session one is mostly me taking your temperature — where you're coming from, what your relationship looks like if you're in one, what made you reach out. After that, it's yours, we follow your lead. Still, a few themes tend to show up a lot: the sex "rules" you absorbed growing up and somehow still carry like unpaid baggage. Putting what you want into words without it spiraling into an argument, or that special brand of long, freezing quiet. Body image too — the uninvited third party that wanders into bed and acts like it owns the place. Desire that doesn't match up, and why "just do it more" almost never touches what's actually going on. And yes, real stuff you can try at home, if that's the right fit.

What it isn't

This isn't a lecture. I'm not here with a "normal" checklist, because there isn't one. No permission slip required, and you sure as hell don't need a full-blown crisis to come in. It shouldn't feel like a sterile doctor visit either. The point is that it feels like talking to someone who won't flinch, won't judge, and won't suddenly become fascinated by a random spot on the ceiling.

If you're on the fence

If saying the word "sex" out loud makes you feel strange, that's not a reason to skip sex therapy. Honestly, it's a blinking sign you might get something out of it. Show up without perfect wording. You don't need a neat little diagnosis for "what's wrong with me."

Just say the awkward thing — we'll take it from there. You're not the first person to say it, and you won't be the last.

I see clients in-person in Austin, TX, and virtually anywhere in Texas. If you're ready, book a free consultation or call (512) 920-2799.